We have to deal with past bad habits before bringing some important changes. These bad habits spontaneously exploit us to act too nice. In fact, with time these bad habits become infiltrated patterns.
Stop being a people pleaser
Generally speaking, people-pleasing is a deep well that initially pumps sweet water but after some time toxicity overpowers. Being a people pleaser will stick you in a shell that is full of negative thoughts and anxiety. This is the fact that you can’t please everyone. The fear of offending someone restricts you from speaking your mind and you agree with many unpleasant things. Acting too nice makes you look boring because you become predictable and lose your natural essence.
People see less value when you try to be too nice. Undoubtedly, you are always vulnerable to being exploited by others, so don’t be agreeable, don’t be doormate.
Don’t Seek Approval from others
Constantly seeking approval is one such trait of being too nice. Most of your energy is spent on getting the work done in a way that people approve it. Meanwhile, you may have to compromise the quality of work in search of approval. Often a conflict arises in your mind when you don’t realize your needs are valid and dent your confidence. The impact it causes on your self-confidence is sometimes irreversible.
The list of your dreams, work, and passion is more important than people’s list of nice guys/girls and you are not compliant to be on their list. Show confidence in your decision, keep in mind that not every decision needs to be right.
Don’t let anyone disrespect you.
When you try being too nice for the wrong reasons, people often take you for granted. You may get vulnerable for being sidelined and disrespected. Unfortunately, you’re considered too easy to convince and thus your voice is often unheard.
Disrespect is like a slow poison when you deliberately let it come. Normalizing disrespect will make your conscience feel inferior and dependent upon others for approval and validation. Start taking a strong stand for yourself without worrying much about consequences. One should realize that people can get offended, sometimes for no reason. The ones that matter will stick around so be yourself. Fight your corner with confidence as the blows will come your way.
Stop Being too nice: Things you need to start doing
We already covered the don’t pause the patterns but the story doesn’t end here. There are some new habits and patterns that you need to develop to stop being too nice.
Set Boundaries to stop being too nice
Although “boundaries” seem to be the buzzword of the day, people don’t understand the definition. In public relations, a border is a clear distinction between acceptable and unacceptable.
You need to set boundaries not only for the outer world entities but for people with direct contact too. When thinking about boundaries, you can think about limits with friends, family, peers, bosses, and even romantic partners. A boundary could be as simple as not replying to the so-called important work email when you are enjoying the holidays. Even most of the time it’s not part of your job description.
There are family members who are dear to you but bring unwanted opinions and criticism to the table. You can either nod your head and hold being too nice status or set a visible boundary and tell them to hold “politely”.
Prioritize yourself
You have to step up and be the hero of your story. Naturally, after all these long years of being too nice and putting yourself second, you struggle with inferiority. Think of yourself as an individual who has needs, desires, and opinions that matter. Charity starts from home, be responsible for your needs and think about how to get them. You may think it’s selfish but selfishness is a matter of perspective.
It’s human tendency to give numerous second chances to the undeserved but start judging himself in the very first legitimate failure. Why such discrimination?
You might want to recall this when you think about compromising with priorities.
Unmask your true self
Most of us have two avatars. The one that we show to the world and the other that’s hidden. Due to several reasons we disown and suppress the second avatar. This could be because it’s not in line with the image we want to portray to the world. The reason to hide it could be anything but most of the time it’s because it triggers shame or awkwardness.
Imagine a situation where you unmask this hidden avatar to the world. It will unbox the pandora of hidden confidence, desires, creativity, and energy. Caress this true self of yourself and start unmasking by starting small. You can make new friends online or in real to give it a good start but don’t hide the second avatar this time.
It’s going to be uncomfortable
Change is hard at first, messy in the middle but gorgeous at the end. After being too nice and losing self the change will not be easy. Possibly you will feel guilty and awkward about denying a request and not falling in line with what the other person wants. Expect that you are going to be uncomfortable.
You can write a note about the reason for the change and why you need it. Do not forget to look at it whenever you want to have a cheat day.
Conclusion
It’s not difficult to break free from acting too nice, all you need is the right mindset and behavior. To live a fulfilling life self-empowerment should be the foundation and you empower yourself when you stand on your decisions. A new version of yours is waiting who has more confidence, energy, and boundaries. At last, I would say be nice without being too nice.